Body Bias

I am so tired of waiting for “the right opportunity.” I have a story I want to tell. And I want to tell it to the best of my ability: honestly and authentically.

I am not special just because I live in a very different body from others. I think it is the most relatable thing about me. Because of this body, I have also had to wear my heart on my sleeve – even during the moments when I have wanted to hide away forever. I had to be visible even when I did not want to be. I am one of the tallest women in the world, if the logic is right. I have a disability. I have a rare condition. All of that has changed the rules of the game.

I also have ambitions, dreams, hopes, everyday errands. I go to work, go shopping, sit on my couch and watch TV with my family. I am a participant in our society. I am a friend, a wife, an animal lover. I am so many things.

And I do all of this while carrying a fear of repeating the fate of my father, who died from an undiagnosed genetic condition that I am trying to co-exist with. I have gone through unspeakable amounts of medical trauma and pain. I am unlearning chronic people-pleasing and overcompensating, because I always thought I was a burden and too much for everyone around me, so I tried to make it easier for them. I tried to shrink myself: bending my knees, crushing my own spirit, making myself less of everything. All of that to fit in.

But it never worked. Because I was trying to squeeze into a space that was never built for me.

My story is actually quite ordinary. It is relatable to everyone who has tried to fit in but couldn’t, because the world hasn’t caught up to them yet. I have experienced being overlooked because I do not look feminine or pretty enough. I have been ignored or singled out. I have been called terrible names behind my back and in my face. I have been harassed and objectified because of my height. I fear the sound of strangers laughing. I often do not find myself in event photos because I ruin the “aesthetic”. And I have met so many women who too have been treated like this. 

It is a powerful connection.

I have come out not wanting to dwell on pain and negative experiences, but they have been unyielding teachers. 

The answer was always to create my own space and invite others into it. By opening up to the world, I am opening a door and inviting you to connect, share, and learn from each other.

You fit here.

P.S. I can come talk at your event. Reach out to me: ance@bodybias.org